Mark Zuckerberg tourist Nairobi
Mark Zuckerberg during his visit to Kenya in 2016.

They eat our good food

At the beginning of the month, most Kenyans, and humans the world over eat chicken, and other meats quite regularly, mostly to reward themselves after a hard month. Closer to the middle of the month, the diet mostly changes to eating chicken products like eggs and their equivalents from the bovine world like smokies, milk, sour milk, tripe (matumbo), e.t.c. As it nears the end of the month, we eat like chicken. This would include a lot of seeds like maize and beans, and kale.

Now when tourists visit our country, it doesn’t matter whether it’s close to the end of the month when most Kenyans eat like chicken or not, tourists will have saved up, and will eat at 5 star hotels, or at least at the fancy restaurants we eat at once in a month when the paycheck comes calling. So they will be eating all our good food when we can’t.

They drink our best beers

If beggars were horses…, beer would be an everyday drink, like water or tea (for the British). But there are factors that prevent us from making it an everyday drink. As usual, when you travel out to the new country, one of the important things you do is sample their happy drinks. Beer tops the list of the things that get explored. In other countries they warn their fellow citizens to guard their beer.

Kenyans are drinking your beer
IMG Credit  

All the fine things

The same way you learn a new language starting with all the naughty words, you will find out about the extreme joints that are supposed to ‘make the experience memorable’. And that’s how tourists find out all the cool places to visit before you, because they have come with a specific plan to do this. It’s in their itinerary. So whether it’s figuring out that there are some exclusive clubs that your mother wouldn’t recommend you visiting or eating snails because you are a daredevil while outside your country, these things get done. All the while the natives will be religiously attending to their 8-5 and watching TV in the evening, chewing onto a delicious meal of zea mays and phaseolus vulgaris (githeri).

Spain was explored

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They will spend yes, but…

Sure, they do spend a ton of money while at it, but that’s neither here nor there. Nothing justifies this sort of atrocity.


Doctors recommend that we should also travel and drink their beer, that’s unless we go and find that they had already protected their precious happy drink from non-taxpayers in advance. With placards.